I'm embarrassed that I've forgotten this so soon, but what was the name of the site where you could meet others online as friends? I don't mean Meetup, as I don't want to start with people who live in my town. Wasn't there another one that began with an "A" or an "R" or something?
An elderly friend of mine in California told me I need to get out there and be more social. He suggested I take a ballroom dancing class, so I'm looking into that. I am really shy (except around kids), especially in social situations, so walking into a room full of strangers scares the spit out of me, but I'm going to force myself to do it. In the meantime, I thought this website that was mentioned before might be a good spot to practice my social skills.
I can't think of any other one than meetup.com. Years ago, on AOL, they had a dating site, but you could also meet w/ people as friends. I met a woman who became a friend of mine that way. I don't really know of other sites right now.
I know how you feel about the "walking into a roomfull of strangers" thing. I do get nervous, but I also find out that I can really make small talk w/ anyone. It's definitely easier if you start w/ a group of women. I went to a breakfast on Sunday w/ a dining out group, which is coed, but this happened to be all women who signed up. there were 3 younger women, who seemed the most uncomfortable, and 3 other middle aged women (well, one actually was probably a senior). I find that older women are a lot more interesting, maybe because we have had more life experiences. But they were talking about doing things like going to museums, etc. They definitely aren't sitting around the house.
One thing about meetup, when you put in your zipcode, you can also choose how many miles away you want to look at for groups. I am about 15 miles from Boston and I was really looking for groups close to where I live, but maybe if I didn't want people near my town, I could include Boston and find a wider range of groups. So if you have a bigger city near you, make the distance range wider and you'll have more people to meet. Let me know how it goes.
Aargh. I don't think I can meet people in person I found online. The idea just scares my silly. "Shy" doesn't begin to cover it. My sister wants me to try an online dating site. She knows I was basically divorced for nine years within the marriage I was in and figures meeting a nice guy ("Mr. Right Now," she calls him.) would be good for me. I just can't do it; it makes me too uncomfortable. I miss holding hands, kissing, sex, etc., but my dread of meeting people I've found online is so great, I think I'd have to resign myself to a life alone if I couldn't meet people gradually and in person.
I thought an online friendship site would be a good way to get my feet wet. When I left my XH, people were so nice to me, and a number of women reached out to me. I thought, Wow! I have friends! But the crisis passed, and all of them already had their own circle of friends. I've called a couple of them, and we got together once or twice, but I'm noticing they're not initiating the contact.
I don't mean to whine. I'm actually not really lonely. I just know that I'd be happier if I had friends. I think it would be nice if I could eventually have male friends, too, but you're right: I'd have to get the female friends thing down first.
I put my name on an OLD site for a week, then decided I couldn't do it. I tried Plenty of Fish, because it's free. I started emailing one guy who seemed perfectly normal, had a good job, his DDs were grown up, he lived in the next town, then I decided I just couldn't do it. It has a lot to do w/ my situation right now w/ having DS at home. He's always nosy about what I am doing and I just don't want to have to explain dating right now. He's fine that I'm going out in groups of women. I don't want anybody involved w/ my kids anyway. When he & DD were younger, we had a very set visitation schedule so it actually made things easier, plus they weren't asking "who are you on the phone with?" Now a lot of times, the visits are changed. It's supposed to be Mon & Thurs nights (ex's idea) and now this week, he went over Tues & slept over and I'll pick him up tonight. So how can I ever make plans?
You really have to be in the right frame of mind for OLD. It's actually more like having job interviews (sounds really romantic, right?). What I've learned from other women now, is to make the first in-person meeting something really quick and informal, like having coffee. Then if you like each other, you can decide if you really want to have a date. But you have to be able to meet a lot of people before you find someone you really want to date. Back when I did it 10 yrs ago, it was like maybe I'd meet 5 people before I met one that I'd want to date, so it takes a lot of time and you have to be able to take rejection, or realize that it's not really rejection, it just happens a lot when you meet strangers.
Are you afraid to meet people just because you are shy or because you think it's not safe? Frankly I never had a problem w/ safety--all the guys I met were very normal. Of course, you have to take normal precautions that you would take w/ meeting a stranger, like meeting in a public place & taking your own car and not telling them where you live. If it's shyness, I think you can actually train yourself to get over it if you have the right frame of mind. I do get nervous, but it's getting easier over time. You just have to think of a few questions to ask people to break the ice and then they start talking.
It's shyness. Very few people know I'm shy, as I'm outgoing in large groups of people I know. They don't realize that I have to push myself to do so. The idea of meeting someone in person that I first met online is really, really uncomfortable. I'd be awfully embarrassed. If I ever do date again, I'd much rather just meet someone in person, start out as friends, then see where that led us. I think the odds of that are pretty remote, though.
From your description, even if I weren't so shy, I wouldn't be comfortable with OLD, as I don't want to interview or be interviewed by prospective dates.
Love 
