Surviving Divorce & Separation

I've been married to my husband for over 3 years now and we've been together for almost 7. We had a semi long distance relationship before we were married so whenever we did get to see each other, it was mainly about sex and so we didn't really take the time to discover each other. Now here i am, contemplating divorce. my husband has cheated on me three times. twice before we were married, and once after. this past time didn't actually involve anything physical. he met a woman online and talked to her every day for 10 months and they sent each other nude photos and talked about meeting. when i discovered this, i kicked him out for two weeks, and then decided i wanted to really try and work on our marriage so i let him come back. But this all happened back in june, and ever since then i've been wondering if i can really go on living with this man and one day have his children. then a couple weeks ago, i went to a friends birthday party and wound up kissing another guy which i feel horrible about, but at the same time, i'm thinking i don't even want my marriage anymore. So i made a list of all the reasons to stay and all the reasons to leave.

My reasons to stay are financial security ( i never went to college and i'm a nanny), i'm scared to be without him, and i love him.

My reasons to leave: we've both cheated on each other, i haven't been happy for a VERY long time, we're not IN love anymore, haven't enjoyed sex with him in over 3 years, he has a serious anger problem, he's controlling, we have absolutely NOTHING in common, we don't have fun together, he gets embarrassed of me b/c i'm very loud and open, and he doesn't make me laugh.

I really do love him very much and the thought of leaving him and hurting him makes me sick to my stomach, but i've never ever been on my own, and i'm not happy. i guess i'm just looking for some feedback on here. and to know that i'm not alone.

You are sooo not alone! I know it's comforting to know that. I need the same. I'm in a fairly similar situation only I've only been married a year. We started off in a long distance relationship and I think the change from that is extremely difficult and that we're not ever really prepared for that. I went straight to marriage from the long distance.

I think that there's just this feeling that we get of: were we ever really in love? Or did we get swept up in everything? So I'm in the same mindset of being terrified of what to do. For me a separation is possible since he's from England and would be barred for 10 years (kinda all or nothing), but perhaps for you you could do a trial separation? And make your terms for while you are separated of if you see other people, if you go to counseling together or separately or what have you.

Your fears are very real. You'd have to find a way to support yourself financially before making any move towards separation or divorce. But these aren't necessarily very good reasons to stay in a relationship. I find myself having similar reasons. We're all afraid to be alone though. I think that is what it comes down to. We get so comfortable in our relationships that when it comes to the end, it's terrifying because we have to get used to ourselves again. And then we wonder if there will be someone else and how long you have to wait, etc. But do you have fun together anymore? Spend time together? Have meaningful or even just silly conversations? Or are you going through the motions? And can you really continue on as you are. These are the questions I ask myself almost daily.