I just want to know from those that are on the other side, were you 100%? Were you able to say for sure it was the right decision? I am at the line trying to decide to cross. I have read through countless entries and of course there are tons with reasons far more serious than mine, but I am a woman, and a mom and I want to be happy. So change must happen and after 9 years of kidding myself that he will change I now ponder a different life. But I fall back on the thought that if I were truly ready to leave the marraige, I would have to be completely sure of myself. So, were you??
I went to therapy for almost a year to try to decide whether to get div. I kept waffling--when we would have an argument or things were going badly, I would say that I wanted a divorce, then when things went back to going ok, I would come up w/ all kinds of excuses about why it wasn't a good time and I would be giving him another chance. My therapist said that if it was time, I would know and I did. And after I finally decided to do it, I knew it was the right decision and I have never regretted it.
my d was final a couple of weeks ago. I'm still not 100% sure about it. I feel like we both could have done more. But he didn't, I didn't. That's the bottom line. I hit a point when I couldn't live in misery. It wasn't a horrible marriage, but I haven't been happy for a very long time. I came close to leaving him so many times. I clearly remember one night resolving that I needed to leave, so I jumped online and started looking for places to live with my kids and a for a job that could support us. I couldn't find anything that I could afford with the jobs I was qualified for. That scared the crap out of me and I decided that night that I would have to just live this way, that I didn't deserve better than this, that I couldn't make it on my own. Then, I went back to school and I outgrew this relationship so fast, my head is still spinning. I was meeting people, both men and women, and making friends in a new area of my life. He wasn't doing anything, in fact, he was doing less than before. Our marriage lacked so much. One of those people I met, I became very good friends with. I didn't even realize that it was an affair, I was just enjoying having a man to talk to that seemed to understand me, that was interested in what I was saying, that had interesting things to say to me. We were in class together, so we talked a lot about school, we studied together, and we spent a lot of time together. My kids know this guy because I invited him home. I figured he and h would make great friends. I was wrong about that. What it did create was jealousy and a lot of accusations about my relationship with him. This matter got worse and I got closer to the friend. H was less willing to work on the marriage. He now claims that he had NO idea it was that bad, even though I told him in Feb that if we didn't get into MC, we wouldn't have a chance. Even though I told him clearly many times that our marriage was in trouble, that I was fed up, exhausted from effort, underloved and overstressed, he says he didn't know. Anyway, he filed for separation in March, when I got tired of being ignored in my own bed so I moved to the other bedroom. He felt that if we weren't sharing a bed, then we must be separated legally. He didn't serve those papers on me. Then, he learned that I was working on (and had completed) divorce papers that I hadn't filed yet. He hurried and filed for divorce. We ended up being expedited and the divorce was final on 9/30, even though we weren't supposed to go to court until Dec. Nothing that he did was done with any thought or consideration. he was so worried about sticking it to me that he never realized he ended the marriage out of spite. My head is still spinning. I'm now seeing that friend full time and enjoying a real relationship with him and so far, he is just what I was looking for. But as far as the divorce, I'm only at about 90% that it was the right thing. XH has a knack for bumping that up to more like 110% on a regular basis.
Now, my life is full, my life is busy and to be single is so much better than to drag around dead weight. XH was dead weight in my life, unable to really take care of anything, unable to plan or foresee anything. Life is much simplier and much more complicated. But I only have to work "complicated" around me and my kids, and it's simpler because I'm not dealing with xh every day.
Does that help? I also have been in counseling myself since March and have worked really, really hard on my issues. I recommend counseling for anyone considering D.
I am in the process of divorcing and I am not a nearly anywhere at 100%. My stbx came home 3 months ago while I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and told me he didn't love me anymore and thought we should divorce. I come to find out that he met another person on a boys weekend. He insists to me that wasn't the reason our marriage was over, I do agree with him we had some issues. But, I do feel that this OW was the driving force to end our marriage for him. He thought it was new and exciting everything I wasn't to him anymore. I am now living with my parents with my newborn daughter and my 5 yr old son. I only agreed to the divorce bc I didn't know how much more I could take...we had some major issues about 5 yrs ago when my son was born. He met another woman then only bc he was going out all weekend bc our newborn son at the time was too much for him. Amazingly, he ran the other way again this time before our daughter was born. Last, time it was after our son was born. He also was diagnosed as being bipolar 5 yrs ago. I wanted our marriage to work so much we were highschool sweethearts or we were. married 8yrs together 13. It is very hard right. Part of me now looks back thinking he is not good enough for me and isn't what I really want in a husband anymore. The other part is so afraid and scared bc I don't know anything but him. We started dating when we were 18 and now are 30. My life is far from what I expected it to be...I am trying to get through each day right now.I have been going to counseling for 3months now and it has really helped.
We were separated for a year or so, and after going to MC (marriage counseling) before my day of clarity came. For me it was a like a lightbulb went off, litterally, and I was sure I could not be his wife anymore.
We had pressing, obvious things that are not OK in a marriage. So, in a weird way that can make it easier.
Love 
