Surviving Divorce & Separation

That same question of "WHY" still lingers in my head. Why and How did he just drop me and move on like nothing..i mean...within DAYS!!! uugghhhi think for me..it'll always be a mystery...my stbx who is 36 decided to go out and meet a girl from the internet..she is 23 and has 3 kids all under the age of 3 1/2..our sons are 13 & 6. he use to complain and moan and groan that we never had anytime together because the kids..so even when i tried to get sitters and what not..he just was never satisfied..he told me he loved me and how he had planned on coming back home and we were gonna work things out...then..turns around and afer 4 weeks of knowing this girl..he MOVES IN WITH HER!! uugghh..my blood was boiling..he's gone so far to profess his love for her??...when just 4 days earlier he was with me telling me all the stuff i wanted to hear...and we were even intimate...it hurts so damn bad..

how can a 12 year relationship just go down the drain within seconds?...i  kept telling myself that there was NO WAY he could really be doing this to me..and every day i still wake up scared to open my eyes and see the walls of my apt...because then it wasn't a dream...it was real. i'm so damn confused and lost..i wish someone could just switch a switch and make me feel better..this has been going on for 11 months now...people say it will get better with time...but how much time?...it only seems to be getting worse :(

everything lately seems like a "why" question...i just don't understand it all..

Tracee0213...I am so sorry to hear what you are going though and unfortunately i am in the same boat as you. My stbx of 8yrs married 13yrs together, decided he didn't love me anymore and said I didn't show him enough affection. He decided to form an emotional attachment to some girl he met on a boys weekend and now is dating her. We are in the process of divorcing and to top it off we just had a baby 2 months ago. He decided he needed to end everything while I was 8 1/2 months pregnant. I also ask myself the same question WHY??, everyday since this has been going on. You have been living with this for far much longer then me, I have been only dealing with this since March. We decided since we have small children that we would not introduce other people to our children bc it would be too difficult, well now he is implying to me that he wants his girlfriend to also move in with him...so she can help pay rent etc so he can give me more money for our children. This girl lives 2 hrs away...what insane person would pack up their life in a city 2 hrs away and move to live with someone that they have know for 2 months. I do not understand it one bit...I would never live with some that quickly...let alone some who has so much baggage (emotional and financial) since we are just starting the divorce proceedings.

I also hope to wake up and realize that this is also a bad nightmare...but it is not so. I am 31 yrs old and my stbx and I started dating in highschool. I am devastated also and don't understand how he can drop me like a hot iron and move so quickly with another girl. He make me feel as if our relationship meant nothing to him. HOW CAN THEY JUST DO THAT!?!?! I have been struggling every day with the same issue. my stbx always needed to be the center of everything...I do feel that since this girl is giving him her undivided attention and there is no strings attached (no bills, no fights, no everyday things)...when he is with her they have nothing but to fawn over each other in that wonderful honeymoon phase, where everything is perfect!!

Please understand that non of this is your fault.  Your spouse made a choice and it seems to me that he is trying to get the best of both worlds  He still has you and his new lover also.  Now it is time for you to make a choice.  You have to decide to move on and be happy with your decision. You  deserve to be happy, with or without this man, but please understand that your happiness does not come from anyone but you.  Take this time to get to know yourself and become the best you that you can be.  Both you and your kids will benefit from this.  Quick asking yourself "why". You will never understand why your husband did what he did.  It is just not in the psyche of a woman to comprehend such things.  A woman's priorities are different than those of men.  Where we place the needs of family and friends above our own, men always place their needs, wants and desires first. 

Indira Mahindra stated, "When self respect takes its rightful place in the psyche of woman, she will not allow herself to be manipulated by anyone."  Stop being manipulated by this man.  It time for you to respect yourself and move on.