Well, we didn't get to chat until about 11:30pm, and it was over the phone, so I didn't want to get terribly specific, but here's the gist of what I was able to communicate (w/o him getting defensive - Mission Accomplished!).
As with any tough subject, 1/2 the battle is saying things in a way that the other person can hear and process in the way you intend to be heard.
So basically here's what I covered:
We spend a lot of time as a group. And I'm very glad that we all get along well. I know that my relationship with the kids is great, however I've been feeling disconnected from you and I'm doing all I can to not let it grow. I feel that I'm valued for my relationship with the kids, which is great, but it shouldn't be the cheif reason why we're together. Your first marriage was because you wanted to do right by the girl you go pregnant - and that's honorable, but it didn't work out and didn't make you happy. I want to avoid making that mistake again - getting married in order to provide an intact family for the kids. I want to be married to someone who is madly in love with me and doesn't want to see HIS future without me. I have proven that I can embrace the circumstances of a "ready made family", but even conventional families need to keep the bond between the adults strong. Any marriage counseling will say to take time alone together - and that's what I need more of. I miss the guy that was maddly in love with me and showed it. I know things have changed and you have a lot on your plate, but I don't want to see this slip through our fingers, since I've seen where we can be great together.
He took it all in really well, and actually listened to all I had to say. He did get defensive for a breif moment, saying that back then he had a lot less on his mind as the kids were with their mom more, and I told him that I understand that and I'm not faulting him for being a great, concerned, father. I reminded him that seeing how much he cares for his kids is a very positive trait. And that I understand that this will take a lot of balance and a shift for him. That pretty much defused the defensiveness. I made sure to say "YOU'RE not at fault, we just need to adjust". Since it was really late, we decided to discuss it more indepth face to face, later, when it wasn't so late, but I'm so relieved it wasn't an argument and that he actually listened to what I had to say.
So we'll give it some time to marinade and see what happens. I asked if he'd given any more thought to coming over to my place sometime this week, so we could have some couple time, just cooking dinner together or something. At first, he had forgotten about the invitation, but once reminded, he talked about working it out, which was encouraging - and will give us a great venue to talk, just the two of us.
I hope he realizes how lucky he is :-) You are wise beyond your years!
JH
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am glad this appears to be working out positively for you. He clearly cares for both you and his children. One suggestion is that since most communication is nonverbal, having this kind of discussion in person may be better so you can read each other's body language while you are talking.
I couldn't agree more with the nonverbal communication - and I perfer to do it in person. Since I'll be able to set the atmosphere/tone if he comes over, I'd like to keep it warm and coming from a place of concern, rather than just being another person pulling him 100 directions at once. Really give us a chance to focus on us.
Love 
