Single Mothers & Dating

Hi

Well I have been to ivillage over the years, posting here and there.

So, I am a single mom, been single for 2 years. I have had the odd date here and there, but I seem to always find fault with the people I go out with.

I have been hurt many times before, and well I am terrified. I admit that. My problem is... I have met a really nice guy, and he wants to get to know me better!!! I want to get to know him too...but...we are not teenagers anymore...I admit the hormones run wild, but how do I slow things down?? How do I make things start casually and go from there. I have been very upfront about my fears, and that my kids come before anyone else.

I have no idea what I am doing...please help me.

Thanks

Tammy

Hi tammy! & welcome to our little corner of the world .... craziness, hormones, feelings, laughs, tears ... you name it  :)

Thast great you have met someone who you really click with. I guess the best way to slow down is to just be honest with him & tell him you dont want too much, too soon.  Maybe tell him you want/need to only talk 2-3X a week, & see each other 1-2X. & keep the dates somewhere where you CANT get intimate - no home dates! lol

Let us know how it continues to go. R~

Hi Tammy, welcome to the board!

Have you sought any counseling to help you with the fears of a new relationship?  Sounds to me like the faults you're seeing in the dates are really just your own fears finding something to push the other person away before they can hurt you.  Two years is not a long time if you haven't healed yourself- are you sure you're ready to date? 

Getting to know someone takes time, and you need to feel trust in him before you can accept him into your heart.  So instead of making dates, tell him you'd like to be friends that spend time together.  If he really likes you, he'll be patient, and you'll feel less stress about, "oh, he's going to want to kiss me" or something.  Believe me, I GET that! 

Meeting him away from the house is important to keep things slow. Having dinner and a movie IN can lead to a make out session or sex, and until you're sure that you like him for who he is and not JUST because he's interested in you, it's your safest bet!  So meet him for lunch (there's a time limit) or for coffee during the day on the weekend.  Dinner can lead to a longer date, and in the get to know you stages, you want to keep the meetings short so you don't panic :)

Final thought is to browse the self-help section at the bookstore... sometimes a title can jump out and speak volumes (pun intended) to your situation and really help you through!  Of course, if you DO read a book, we'd like to hear your thoughts on it :)

Good luck!