Single Mothers & Dating

As I said in my last post I am dating a guy who has his kids (my friend calls him "mike brady", like from the Brady Bunch, so I'll stick with that). This is a first. I've only dated guys with kids, but they've never had custody, and some of them had very 'loose' ideas about what visitation was...

Anyway, for those of you who have been with guys with custody, I have some questions so I can figure this guy out a little more:

Do you find they have a hard time multitasking? "Mike" can't seem to monitor homework, feed kids and make a phone call (to me!). I can do all three at once, never giving it a second thought!

Do you find that they don't "notice" stuff? For instance, he has a daughter with a learning disability, he had never really looked at her IEP, and was dumbfounded the other night when I told him that kids with LD often have organization difficulties (he was complaining that she once again forgot her homework at school). As a mom, if there is something going on with my kid, I research, ask questions, find out all I need to know.

When do they want you to meet their kids? I'm in no rush. They seem to be aware of me because he will call me if he's in the car with them or when they are all sitting around the house. I know women tend to wait a while for introductions...are guys different?

I have so many questions...I'll stop here for now!

Well, everyone is different in parenting. I have three and am not on them about what they need to do all the time. If they have homework, it is up to them to do it and turn it in. They don't get it done, then they suffer the consequences of that. I did my time in elementary school and I'm not doing it anymore. If they need help, I"m willing, but I am not the homework police. I ask if it is done and if I know they haven't been doing it will ask to see it but I don't have the time or energy to go over it all the time. I have dinner to cook, laundry to clean and a job (I'm gone for 11 hours a day). School is their job and their responsibility.

As for the IEP, he must know what it is as you have to go to school to get one and meet with a team. My daughter has one but that doesn't excuse her from what she is supposed to do. She get extra help as school but isn't excused from acting like a 9 year old.

I forget to return calls and such at night too. I get busy with house, kids and activities. I hope no one is offended when I forget.

Priscilla

I'm the same way.  I ask them if they got their homework done and if they say no then I leave it at that.  I make sure that they are doing it before it's bed time and if they want help then they have to make sure to sit down and do it before I get ready for MY relaxation time.  I work all day and need time to unwind in the evenings.  I check the school website online and if I see missing work I print out the sheet and give it to my child to deal with.

As a woman I am doing three things at once often and can get things done quickly so that I can relax and enjoy the evening.  Men aren't very good at that.