Single Mothers & Dating

Dear Prudie,
I'm 16 years old and have an awkward dilemma. I'm thinking about buying a vibrator because I am very curious, but the thing is, I want to talk to my mom about it first. We have a very close and open relationship, and she says I can talk to her about anything. I'm just not sure about this. I'm scared that it will make her feel awkward (even though she's a nurse, so she likes talking about gross stuff). I already tried talking to one of my best friends about it, but she seemed pretty repulsed by the idea. I'm still a virgin and not planning to change that for quite some time, so it's not like I'm going to be romping around with teenage boys. The vibrator would be for my own private use, and having my mom to talk to first would be especially helpful to me. Should I tell her?

—Just Curious

Dear Curious,
If you want instructions on proper vibrator use, I can probably help you: Add batteries, aim, fire. If you want permission, I can help you, too: Masturbation is perfectly normal, and a teenager doesn't need to check in with her mother before engaging in it. It's wonderful that you and your mother are so close that you feel you can talk to her about this — but just because you can doesn't mean you should. Part of your job as a teenager is to start separating from your mother, and masturbation may be a good place for you to establish a zone of privacy. I'm sure your mother — since she's a nurse and all — would understand your desire for orgasms and appreciate the fact that you are seeking them solo. And if she hears a suspicious buzzing from your room, she probably won't conclude that you've taken up woodworking. Once you do become sexually active with more than an inanimate object, it's great that you'll feel able to turn to your mother for guidance because young women can use help making sure they're protected from disease, pregnancy, and bad choices. But your adventures in vibrator-land may be something you need to confide only to your diary.

—Prudie

 

I tried to find the link, but we had a question on a couple of the boards last year about moms BUYING sex toys for their daughters, and it was very interesting the responses we received. Most were in favor of it, because it helps foster a healthy attitude about sex, and could even help some girls to remain virgins longer if their sexual urges are met in this way. If I find the link or links, I'll try to post it here.

For myself, I would hope that my girls and I have an open enough relationship that they can come to me about anything, whether it's sex or sex toys, since it's all a part of life.

 
**Contact Me**
 

I agree.  If the kids feel they can come to you about a vibrator, then chances are they ARE listening to what you say.

I actually had a talk with my ds10 recently about the changes he's going to be going through soon and about keeping his body safe when he decides to have sex.  My mother gave me a book when I was 7, that was about it... sure, we had a pretty open relationship and I could talk to her about anything, but looking back I wish she had said a few things, so I can only ensure I discuss them with my own son. 

He was a little embarrased about the talk, but in the end was interested in what I said and the changes he would go through.  I can tell you: I never thought I'd be having to explain a wet dream!