I haven't read over all of the replies yet, but we did talk last night, face to face.
Screaming, shouting and all that has never been in my nature, so I was able to say that I was very hurt that he didn't tell me what was going on. I also expressed that I was very dissappointed that he didn't just come to me and tell me, even if afterwards. Of all the people to understand this kind of thing, I could.
And yes, he apologized. Sincerely. And explained what he was feeling. I think we both felt heard on that point.
We also talked about that "Well, I never would have met you, I would never have to deal w/ this!!!" reaction - how I felt that was just about the meanest response possible. He did try to explain that it was a matter of fact - however 'matter of fact' isn't followed by three exclamation points.
And he apologized sincerely for that.
I apologized for bringing this whole thing up via text, as I should have waited face to face. I was panicked at the time - and angry.
That said, I'm working on putting that whole situation behind me.
To clear up a couple of points, yes, he knew before he hoped in the sack w/ me that he was having this problem. He never got it taken care of in 2007 when it cropped up the first time, so it's been lingering. As I mentioned before it's fairly benign, but he knew about it.
So - beyond that, he says he feels pressured when I ask for one-on-one time, that he's JUST coming off working 2 jobs (which he did all through October) and he's just dealing with getting his feet under him. He didn't communicate any of these feelings of being overwhelmed before, so I couldn't help with them. I can understand that, in wanting to make everyone happy, he feels pressure to be "all things for all people", so to speak.
He said he feels pressured when I say I miss things about our past one on one time (like dancing in the kitchen while we're making dinner, etc). He said he has a lot on his plate and he feels that I expect all that he was able to do before, despite the change in the situation since our first year. I tried to reassure him that I understand things have changed, and I'm not expecting someone at my beck and call 24/7. (In honesty - I'm independent enough that would be annoying.) I'm not asking for anything outragous, nor would I ever want him to neglect his responsibilities to spend time with me. I understand being busy, needing to recover, etc. If he communicates that to me, I can be understanding, but when I hear "maybe" or nothing at all, I have no way in knowing what is going on.
Anyway, we came to the agreement/understanding that I won't plan (or try to plan) any more dates. That way I won't be frustrated by "maybe's" and he won't feel 'pressured'. He'll either make time when he has it, or he won't and I'll just fill my time. Since I'm good at staying busy, we'll see what comes of this, but I'm willing to give it a month. Ball is in his court now.
Oh yeah - and one last thing - We did discuss the fact that I need to know if he is still angry with me for something I had no control over, and tried to handle as responsibly as I possibly could as soon as I was made aware of the situation. He was quiet, and didn't really have an answer when I said, "If you're still angry with me over this illness becoming a part of our relationship and individual lives, I can't change that. I'm done beating myself up over it. You need to decide if you can deal with this. If you can't, than you need to tell me." So far, no real answer on that yet, but this sort of this is a process.
As I said above. I'll give it a month, see what he does, give him a chance to get his barings (he's also a bit in shock as this is the first time he's been financially stable in 12 years), and then see what December brings.
Anyway, we came to the agreement/understanding that I won't plan (or try to plan) any more dates. That way I won't be frustrated by "maybe's" and he won't feel 'pressured'. He'll either make time when he has it, or he won't and I'll just fill my time.
Does this mean that you'll be staying home and not running errands and taking care of the kids? I hope that is what it means because if you're still around playing wife and mother he's never going to put forth the effort that he needs to in order to keep you as his girlfriend.
You had better start making some plans ahead of time with your peeps and he had better make sure to plan ahead to see you AFTER the chores are done.
I'm glad you were able to talk to him face to face. I'm sure it was hard, and you're both frustrated trying to communicate effectively after a fall out. Feeling like you've been HEARD is important, as well as ensuring you LISTEN to what the other is saying. Best way is to replay back to the other person what you HEAR them saying from their statement, as you saw with him feeling pressure from you to get together RIGHT NOW and you were just wanting him to know you were feeling disconnected.
As for this weekend, sounds like you have a full plate of FUN to look forward to. I hope you leave the frustration at the door and just immerse yourself in the weekend, you deserve a bit of break from the stress now that you had the talk.
Give him a bit of space, like you said, and just enjoy your life.
We don't live together. So this means I won't come over unless invited, which was really the case anyway, but you can bet if I don't hear from him for a week, and then the next time is, "hey, can you babysit?" my answer will be no.
I'm really good at filling my schedule. That's why I like to plan things in advance.
Take my schedule right now:
Tonight I have free, but I really need to get some new pants (I've been losing weight and my cargos are falling off! I go on vacation in about 3 weeks, so I'll need some new jeans or something!), so I'll probably be out shopping. He loves to shop (I know, it's weird) so normally I'd invite him, but since we've reached this understanding, I'm not going to.
Tomorrow, I will be working for a couple hours in the morning and then heading up to Disneyland to do some PR work with some fellow bloggers. I can stay up there as long as I darn well please (and would have anyway, as he works during the weekend days).
Sunday is church and quite possibly a long bike ride and some down time planning my upcoming Disneyworld Vacation w/ my best gal pal.
Monday and Tuesday it's work during the day, and one of those nights I need to hit up a local musical theater audition...
So, yeah, I'm good at filling my time! (hence the need to plan ahead a bit - by Tuesday I start getting weekend ideas.)
The real kicker is - my plane leaves on our anniversary. Due to the frequent flier mile restrictions, I couldn't do it any other day. So I was going to plan to take 1/2 day at work on one of his days off, so we could do something as an early celebration. Now - that ball isn't in my court anymore.
Love 
