Healing the Wounds of Childhood

Look what I found - Dr. Laura talks about forgiveness; and gives a bit of a different angle on it that I don't think we've discussed here! Please tell us what you think....

http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=35069

Well, if I accepted Dr. Laura's definition of forgiveness, then I'd say I agree with her...you shouldn't forgive.  But I don't believe forgiveness means absolution or pardoning another person, and it certainly doesn't mean you should not hold another person accountable.  Dr. Laura's definition of forgiveness is the definition that abuser's love...and the one that they want to hold you to as a means of moving on so they don't have to be accountable or face the impact of their choices.  That kind of forgivness, I would not give.

But if one looks at forgiveness as releasing yourself from the pain and bitterness you feel because of someone else's evil regardless of whether they accept accountability or not...then forgivenss sounds like a good place to be when we are ready.

The way I look at it...if I withhold that inner peace within me...and holding a grudge no matter how righteous is not peaceful, then "they" have won.  A lot of times people will hurt you because they want you to be as miserable as them.  Well, guess what?  If they in any way can keep your joy from you, mission accomplished.

I think it's okay to live without ever having resolution.  We don't have to tell another we forgave them or love them or anything.  We don't have to do anything that isn't right for us.  But if we can come to a place where we can let go of the ill will we harbor or the suffering...then by all means do it.  So what if "they" don't ever appreciate it or acknowledge our goodness in this regard?  But again, it should be on our own time table and not at anyone else's insistance.

I heard a preacher the other day.  She said, "Being bitter is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Well...if you put it like that....

But I believe you can come to a place where you are not bitter and still say "What you did was wrong".  One does not preclude the other.

Thanks for a thought provoking article, Leta!