THE BACKGROUND
My siblings and I were horridly abused as children. Our dad beat us up in the most horrid way you can imagine, but just in case you can't I'll spell it out. He kicked my tailbone (whilst I was trying to get away) often enough to cause long term damage (I can't sit still for long), same long term damage in my back, severe damage to my neck from being ripped from side to side/head banged into walls etc, I had large bits of hair ripped out in one go, I got diesel poured all over me and wasn't allowed to change all day, I lost consciousness many times and had several near death experiences as he covered my face with a pillow/showed my face into a pillow whilst he beat me.
Much much worse was the psychological abuse. He would say how ugly I was, how much he hated me, how much I had destroyed his life, how he wished I was stillborn, how it would be worth killing me because in jail he would get peace.
Mum never did anything to protect us. She was so afraid of him that she'd run and hide when he beat us.
My brother & I ran away at 15 & 16 years old. We went to the police. The only reason was because we wanted to protect our siblings. It went to court and in spite of mum and my sister lying to protect him, he went to jail. Only for 6 months, serving 3 but still something.
The got to keep the kids because they went into sever counselling and did everything social services told them.
It took years before I spoke to them at all. Slowly I started to talk to much and then eventually dad. We because on 'good' terms for a while but only on the condition that I wasn't really allowed to bring up the past. Eventually I couldn't cope with that so we fell out for several years.
MY DREAM CAME TRUE
When we finally because friends it was like heaven. I had dreamed my whole life of having a 'normal' family and now were we it. No abuse, not violence, no shouting, just normality. It was so nice. I felt so happy.
THE LIE
I spok to my mum a few days ago and she has just separated from dad because it was all a lie. He has been beating my brothers, except for the first few years, all this time.
Mum is standing by my brothers this time. But AGAIN she let it happened. She did step in whilst it happened but she didn't take them away, she didn't get help.
It has gone to the police, dad will go to jail again, it will be all over the news again.
They lied to me all these years. My brothers had to go through abuse. Apparently it was not remotely the hell or force of abuse we went through but still.
I feel like I have had my heart ripped out of my body and stepped on.
COUNCELLING
I haven’t had counselling since I was 16 when I ran away from home. It was only because the curator of the school (lovely lady) noticed that in a drunken stupor I had tried to slash my wrist. I hadn’t really tried to kill myself but I don’t know why I did it.
The experience was truly awful. She totally lived up to why psychiatrists have a bad name.
A few years ago I tried here. I went to the doctor and he referred me to the in-house counsellor. I hadn’t thought it was possible but she was even worse. She just sat there and looked at me, said nothing and after all I told her she referred me to a religious organisation!
I don’t know if I have mentioned it but my family, excluding the brother that I ran away with, are highly/strictly religious.
I have a great partner that I love. He saved me. He took me away from there, never judged me as over the years I told him more and more about what I went thorough. He is the only reason I didn’t turn out like my brother. He is in jail for attempted murder. Whilst he admits it was grievous body harm he is adamant that it was self-defence.
To say that I am reluctant to go to councelling again would be an understatement.
MUM
When we got abused, physically and mentally mum never helped. She was so petrified of dad that she would run and hide. There would even be times when dad would beat her and we ran to her defence. We would wake up hearing her scream and we would come out of our rooms and decide to jump dad, knowing that his anger would turn on us instead of her, and she would let that happen.
As with all abuse, it’s not just bad. If it were, everyone would leave. When it’s good it’s so good that no one can understand. I’m just pointing this out because away from the abuse, mum was a wonderful mum.
When we went to the police to defend our siblings mum lied. It went to court and she lied. Because of her lies he only got 6 months jail for absolute brutal abuse over 16 years.
Now it has happened again. As the abuse slowly started up again – they all lied to me. They lead me to believe that things had changed that the super-intensive counselling had really worked.
All a long my brothers have been abused too. It was not as sever as with us but abuse is still abuse. It’s horrid that I actually had to use TV programs about abuse as a measure of what abuse counts as. For me a hard slap was nothing.
The thought combination of them lying to me. My brothers hell. My mum not stopping it again. It tears me up inside.
How could she have let it happened again? I asked her and she doesn’t know. She will stand by my brothers. She has separated from dad (divorce is not allowed) she has gone to the police. She says she can’t cope with us falling out again.
To add to this story. Mum suffers from depression. At one point it was very severe, to the point that she tried to commit suicide and more than once. She is receiving counselling, she is on medication. She still suffers from depression but it’s suppose to be better.
THEN HER BACKGROUND:
Her mum was not a good mum, she had a string of boyfriend that often scared my very much. Then her mum died unexpectedly when my mum was only 13. Her dad didn’t want her so she got shipped to the north to live with her granddad. The granddad was very strict. He hit her. She got bullied in school. Dad ‘got’ her when she was only 16. She got pregnant almost immediately but miscarried. They got married and not long after I came along.
Part of me understand why she didn’t/couldn’t help us the first time.
But now???
Love 
