I'm not sure if my post should be posted on this board...but, I'm in a situation and seeking a clear perspective.
After a very recent break up with an ex, I met a really nice, handsome and intelligent guy who I began casually dating. I explained very early on that since I had just gotten out of a serious long-term relationship that we should take things slowly and enjoy eachother's time, and explore what could possibly happen. He seemed to agree, however, over the course of 4 months, he has brought up his desire to build a future with me and when I ask for him to slow down, or for time alone to concentrate on my week he seems to always push and I end up giving in. Well, during the past few weeks, he has been telling me about how he is not feeling well (dizzy spells, blurred vision) which I think may be an indicator of him possibly having symptoms related to high blood pressure, which he says has been a problem in the past. Well, I'm now beginning to feel that over these past months, he has been trying to pressure me into a steady, long term relationship knowing all along that he may be sick. I don't want to kick a sick person down, however, I feel as though I sensed I wanted to establish a more casual relationship and this is more than I want or can take on right now. I feel confused, guilty, used and stressed out of my mind!!!
Four months isn't very long really for getting to know someone from my experience. You feel pressured because HE IS PRESSURING YOU !!! Trust your gut. Go slowly. Has he been to the doctor lately? If something about this makes you uncomfortable then YOU slow it down regardless of what he wants. You really don't know him very well yet. Take it slow. You'll know in time if he's right for you. If people really love one another sickness is something to be overcome together as a team. That's what love is all about...not just the good times but good and bad,,both....Doesn't sound like you are in love YET. Maybe you will be in time but until then don't feel guilty...just take it slow and don't give into pressure...Good luck. Rifka PS Remember trust your gut luvinmama!
The word 'pressure' has such negative connotations, but I don't see him doing anything deliberately bad. I think it's more about him getting swept away and simply doing what feels right for him.
Him getting swept away is really no different to you wanting to take things slow. Neither of you are doing anything wrong...you're both just doing what is right for yourselves.
You mentioned about him wanting a long term relationship while knowing he's sick. I don't see anything wrong with that. Sick people can meet people and fall in love just the same as healthy people. There's no rule which says sick people must avoid new relationships. Even then, high blood pressure can be controlled with changes to diet, exercise and medication.
I do understand you not wanting to break up with him while he's sick...but if you want a casual thing and he doesn't....well, you don't have much choice. Breaking up now would be better than stringing him along.
One last comment ....you say you feel 'used'. Could you explain why you feel this way? Normally, feeling used is associated with being cast aside, or taken advantage of - but I don't see that he's done anything like this to you.
He can't push you any more than you allow him to push you! If you give in when he's pushing, then it's just as much your problem as his.
As for his "symptoms"........if he's had BP problems before, then he should recognize the symptoms and get himself to the doctor. And........HBP is NOT a "sickness" in the true sense of the word. Proper diet and medication can bring his pressure down to normal.......and he can lead a normal life. It's not like you'll wind up being his nurse.
If you want less obligation to him than he wants from you......then it's time to move on......and you have no reason to feel guilty about him being "sick".
It doesn't matter how handsome, nice or intelligent a guy is, if he's pushing when you've specifically said it's moving forward fast isn't what you want, it's saying that this isn't the right place for you to be.
In my opinion, he's signaling some concerning behavior in more than one way. First, you've told him you don't want to move fast and he's not respecting your wants and needs. That's a concerning behavior; if he doesn't respect your wants and needs at this early stage (the stage where he's working to show you his best side), how will he treat you when he's not trying to impress you? If he's not respecting you now, I guarantee you he'll show you less respect later. The fact that you ask him to slow down, yet he comes back to push again and again says a lot too. He's not listening, he's not respecting, he's not interested in your need to move slowly. There will be many other areas that he'll not be interested in your wants or needs too. The other red flag for me is that at this very early stage he's talking about building a future with you. Huuuge red flag. At four months you're still very much in the baby stage of your relationship. You don't know each other well enough to be talking about building futures. You've got many, many more months to spend together before you will know each other well enough to make that kind of decision and make it based on reality. At this stage there's much more that you don't know about each other than there are things you do know, no matter how much it feels like you know him. It'll take a lot more time to have the opportunity to see him in the many situations you'll need to observe in order to see how he acts/reacts in them. Until you are able to make those observances, you can't know that he's right for you. At this stage, you may know how he says he'll act, and you may think you can know how he'll behave and how he believes, but until you really see it in action, you don't know a thing. Not only that, but you are deep in the "impress her" stage of the relationship, the place where you each put your best foot forward and show each other your best side; "company manners" so to speak. It will be many more months before this stage wears off and you can actually see how he really acts; until then, you're not seeing the real deal. I'm sure this is all stuff you know, considering you were in a long term relationship; you recognize full well the "nice" stage, and the fact that when the "impress" stage is over, things aren't quite like they were before. What was once paradise sometimes crumbles into something that doesn't even resemble what it had been. The fact that he's pushing to talk about futures at this early stage says one of two things; that he doesn't make wise decisions with his life (and those that fall hard and fast fall out just as fast) or it says he's trying to hurry you up and tie you up in this relationship so he can stop being Mr. Nice Guy fast. It's also possible that what you suspect is right; that his push to tie you in is an attempt to have someone take care of him. (A side note: I dated a much older guy for a while. He used to say "who's going to take care of me when I'm old" and I would think to myself "NOT ME!", LOL!) The fact that since you've only been in this relationship for four months and he's been pressuring you "for months", takes this from concerning to alarming, IMO. At two months or before, pressuring you for a steady, long term relationship? Hoooly -- that's a reason to run. It should have had red flags waving so furiously you couldn't see and the alarms should have been going off so loud you could hardly hear anything else. I have a feeling that's what happened, you just tried to stifle them because he's so "nice, intelligent and good looking". I'll tell you, a guy like this is no prize, no matter what kind of package he's wrapped up in. He may be nice and intelligent in some ways, but in other important areas he isn't at all nice and not at all intelligent.
A relationship shouldn't make you feel stressed or pressured. A good relationship wouldn't make you feel stressed or pressured. A new relationship should be a piece of cake, no problems, just nice, and this is a new relationship. Staying in a situation that you feel pressure and stress in is ignoring yourself, you needs, what's right for you; and that's not a wise or healthy move.
Whether he's sick or healthy as a horse, he's not someone to stay with, IMO. Even if someone else thinks he's wonderful (and I'm sure some would), he's not right for you.
I would suggest telling him that you're not looking for the same thing he is and as such, it's time to part ways.
"Ignoring the facts does not change the facts" ~ Author unknown
Love 
