Toxic Relationships

I've been living with my fiance now for about 6 months and things are going well. The only thing is that when he's had a bad day at work I feel I need to step on eggshells around him. He has had some issues with people at work not doing their job and he's gone to the boss numerous times to fix it but nothing has been done. Yesterday he came home and was upset about it. I can tell his mood immediately and then when I try to ask about the situation I get yelled at. I then don't want to say one word to him fearing that he'll jump down my throat. He was okay later in the night last night, but this morning when he got up I asked how he slept and he gave me a very snap answer. He sat at his computer and I sat at mine for an hour before he spoke another word to me.

I have told him before that I take his mood swings very personally because he snaps at me for no reason. Of course he gets upset at me for being upset about that! He says to just let him be for a while and he'll come around. I wish he wouldn't bring his work mood home with him, but he always does. Then when I sit in silence for an hour not saying anything is when he questions me as to what's wrong and when I tell him I don't want to say anything because I can tell he's upset, he gets upset!

He would never lay a finger on me, but I shouldn't be afraid to say things to him, certainly not something as simple as "how was your day".

Hmmm.

When you say “fiance” do you mean you two are actually engaged, have set a wedding date, etc.  I ask because a lot of people use that term when they really mean the current person they are seeing/living with, and maybe they’ve discussed ‘maybe’ getting married someday.

I can’t stand screamers/yellers.  Scream at me once in anger and there is a very good chance you won’t get a second chance.  So . . . you need to ask yourself if this is really someone you want to make a life with; someone who takes his anger about work (or whatever) out on you.  Life will be full of "bad days".

In that same vein, can you tolerate the silent treatment for long periods of time?

You say he would never lay a hand on you.  You don’t KNOW that.  Victims of domestic violence often said the same thing until they were proven to be wrong.

Your “fiancé” needs  counseling, and you need to do some thinking about whether he’s a keeper.

I agree with the other poster.  WHY would you consider marrying this guy?  I love how posts like this start out by saying things are going well, or how wonderful the relationship is.......and then there's always a BUT!

The man has a bad temper, he takes his anger out on YOU when you have nothing to do with his problem, and then gets MORE mad at you because you don't like it.

It sounds like he's got a problem at work, too.....like maybe worrying too much about what other people do.  His boss doesn't take action on his complaints, so maybe they aren't valid complaints!

You end by saying "he would never lay a finger on me"........and unless that was in the back of your mind, you wouldn't have said it.  Yes, eventually he just MIGHT lay a finger on you.........that's what angry people do.  They escalate from plain anger & yelling, to throwing things, breaking things, punching walls, etc..........then the next step is pushing you, slapping you, then punching you. 

If I were in your shoes, I would be walking........but at the very least, don't even consider marrying him until and unless he gets some help with anger management.  You're right, you should NOT be afraid to TALK to someone you theoretically love, but then, you don't really love someone if you're afraid of them, and you ARE afraid of him.    Think long and hard about marrying him, or even staying with him.  Things will get worse, NOT better.