Toxic Relationships

I've been with my current boyfriend for 3 yrs now. I've known him since I was 8 yrs old & he was 9. I've been in love w/him since I was 11 years old. When I was 12, I ended up in foster care but would still see him on the weekends. After my foster family & I moved further away I no longer saw him at all. No letters, talking on the phone or anything. We just completely lost contact. So technically I was still a kid & I had other boyfriends, but never felt about anybody the way I felt about him. When I was about 17 we got back in contact. When I was 18 we were officially a couple again. I was so in love w/him it was pathetic! I mean nobody could tell me anything bad about him, that's how much I loved him.

During the time we lost contact when I was in foster care, I lost my virginity & he hasn't gotten over it til this day. The 1st time he ever hit me was when he found out I lied about kissing a guy (mind u my current boyfriend & i weren't 2getha when I kissed this guy). He slapped me. 2 say I was shocked would be an understatement. He apologized & I thought that was it. The next couple of times he slapped me some more but I didn't leave, not cause I was scared 2, but bcuz i loved him.

The time where things got really bad was when I told him I was sumwhere when I was actually at 1 of my female friends house. he found out & he beat me up in the park. He slapped me so hard my jaw swelled up; He punched me in my stomach til I fell 2 the ground, then he began 2 kick me. I thought I was going 2 die, so I began panting like I couldnt breathe so he would stop & he did. He thought he really did sumthing bad so he picked me up & put me in the car...I left him that night, but after about a week I went back.

I could name millions of stories from him hitting me. 2 say the least, things are even worse now. He's cheated on me twice & I've stayed, he's choked me, slapped me, threw me in2 walls, thrown things at me, punched me in the head, tried 2 hit me w/a pool stick, e's kicked me, & even held a knife 2 my throat. 1 time when I was really about 2 leave, he started cutting his arms & face w/a knife, so I stayed then 2.

I just turned 21 years old 7 I have no friends, he made me quit a really good job I had, I can't go 2 school, I can't go 2 the mall 2 shop if I wanted 2. I have nothing because i've allowed him 2 control my whole life. We don't live 2gether & since i quit my job I have no money, so I'm back at home with my parents. nobody knows of the secret hell I live. He constantly berates me & belittles me. According 2 him I'm a slut, a h**, a bit** and any other name he can come up with at the time. i used 2 be such a fun loving person, who loved 2 get dolled up bcuz it made me feel good, now I'll throw on sum sweats & a t-shirt bcuz I no longer feel pretty. I am no longer the fun loving, goofy person everybody knows me as. According 2 him everything he gets mad at me about is my fault. his favorite lines are "if u would just do what i tell u, or listen 2 me we wouldn't be arguing."

Now I'm scared 2 just completely cut him off bcuz he knows where me & my family live & he's threatened 2 come over & just act completely crazy. Which he will do, because he's done it before when we lived somewhere else. I'm so ashamed. I'm sick of hiding bruises & scratches! I'm sick of being made 2 feel as if I'm worthless, when I'm the 1st person he comes running 2 when he needs something. I just don't know what 2 do anymore

Please, please get away from this guy and get some counseling for yourself! This guy is going to hurt you and hurt you until he kills you, believe that. You are so young, and have your whole future ahead of you, don't waste these years that are supposed to be the best of your life on a guy who beats you!

As far as him hurting himself...that's manipulation...it's control, it's abuse!  I know that you love him, and when he's sorry it seems like things will be different but it just takes a matter of time before that "worst part" comes out again. If he's not seeking any type of therapy for his problem, then do you honestly think things will change? People don't change overnight, so all the sorrys in the world won't keep him from doing this to you again.

 What do your parents say about this? I'm sure they wouldn't tolerate this guy to come around, call you, or try to hurt you if they knew what he was doing!! Get a restraining order..first..then, if he bothers you still, have him arrested...

Don't allow him to control you...he's nothing to you, and even if he was, he has no  right to control your every action in life, and don't be afraid to stand up to this coward, (and that's exactly what he is because he's a woman beater) !!

You know something...my sister had a "crazy' boyfriend like this...you know where he's at? Serving time in prison because he broke her leg, bashed her head in a few times, and  she wouldn't get outta the relationship even though we all told her to! So it took another  hospital visit with a fractured skull before the authorities finally stepped in and stopped the craziness! Don't let this same thing happen to you....like I said, you have your whole life ahead of you, and this too will pass, but you have to stand up for yourself, once and for all!! Take care, I hope you listen to the advice on here.

The first thing you need to do is get some backbone.  If you don't get out of there, you won't have to worry about your family, because YOU will be dead!  This man is a killer waiting to happen.

The next thing you have to do is call this number:  1-800-799-SAFE (7233)  This is the national domestic abuse hotline.  They will tell you what to do next. 

The next time he puts a bruise on you......CALL THE POLICE!!!  Then you get a restraining order, and so does your family.

Usually guys like this are all talk.  He'll beat YOU up because you're defenseless.  He won't go after anyone who can defend themselves......because he's a spineless creep who only picks on weak people!  Get out of his life, go back to your family, and alert the police to his threats. 

Actually, if he bruises you, he won't be able to do anything, because he'll be locked up, hopefully for a LONG LONG TIME.

There are safe houses you can go to.......there are many things you can do.  Please call the phone number above and talk to someone.  AND, if he ever threatens to harm himself again.....smile at him, say "be my guest" and walk away......you can BET he will NOT hurt himself, but if he did, he is NO LOSS to anyone!  People like that don't hurt themselves...they only hurt those that are weaker than them, people who can't hurt them back......

GET OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, BEFORE YOU'RE TAKEN AWAY IN A HEARSE!!!!!!

You don't live with him?  And he still does all this stuff to you?  Your family DOES know, parents ALWAYS know......and if you would talk to them, they would help you.

You HAVE to call the police on him, report the abuse.  Then if and when he does it again, you PRESS CHARGES on him.  If you have any kind of bruise or mark from him......he will go to jail.

This is a very sick man.........anyone who cuts themself and takes a lot of pills needs intensive psychiatric help.  He KNOWS you won't let anything happen to him....but if he pulls that again.....then WALK AWAY FROM HIM!  If he dies, he dies, and at least you'll be rid of him.  You are NOT responsible for his life or his sanity.  If you don't make the first move, he WILL wind up killing you.......

Again, call the abuse hotline.....and they will advise you on the best way to handle it.  Being afraid is NOT going to stop him.  He is a very sick man......and he desperately needs help........long term hospitalization AND a good psychiatrist.

He may be your first love, but if you don't get him out of your life, he will definitely be your LAST LOVE.  He is a sick man and he will NOT change.......not in a million years.  He knows you're afraid, and he thinks you'll never have the guts to leave him.....that's how he holds you........with FEAR.......that's not love.....it's FEAR.