Understanding Men

There's a guy that I'm interested in and I wanted to get to know him.  One day I asked about what he would be doing with family/friends/etc over a vacation weekend.

He never mentioned a wife, gf, other.  He does not wear a wedding ring.  Since then, I invented an activity to do, so that I could see him in person and talk, instead of just getting to know him online (all the time we do talk).

Before 'getting more involved' in my visits to talk to him I asked through e-mail "Does your wife mind if you help me with this because I don't want to be seen as a homewrecker".  I also told him, in same e-mail, that I could stop what I was doing if he wished me to.

I thought he would mention wife/fiancee/girlfriend, but I got no reply back on that.  His reply was that to grant me permission to continue.  So, that's why this has been bothering me.

The only reason why I can think of myself not mentioning that "I am not married" is because my current marriage is going rocky or being legally seperated.  (The far fetched would be that the woman I love just died or is in jail.)

If he's a "man whore", then I would say "that's expected".  If he's seeing someone else in the early stages, I don't have to know, but his answer to my question should have been "no" instead of being mute.

I describe our activity as "playing pattycake" just for my own laugh.  The relationship is still one whole grey area.

So, what kind of news is it if this guy could not answer my question while our relationship is still in the grey area?

I would expect someone who isn't in a relationship to say "I'm not in a relationship".   Did you ever come right out and ask him if he's in a relationship instead of beating around the bush? 

Do you have his cell phone number and his home phone number, can you call him at any time on his cell and home phone?  Do you hear from him as often on weekends as you do during the week?  Do you know where he lives?  How much do you know about him?  Those are all pretty good clues to if he's in a relationship.  If he has a wife/gf, he's not going to give his home phone number or let you know where he lives, phone conversations will probably be limited especially in the evening or on weekends. 

As far as a wedding band, that doesn't mean anything.  There are a lot of people who are married but don't wear a ring so you can't go by that.  

It's ususally wise to listen to your gut, if it's telling you something is fishy, your gut is usually right.

I'm, with Tish.  Except for the part where if you flat-out asked a person if he was in a relationship, they'd necessarily tell you the truth.  That's what we'd like, hope or even expect, but unfortunately, that's not always the case.

I met a guy once and we hit it off spectacularly.  I flat-out asked him if he had a girlfriend, he said no and wore no ring, so I felt ok to proceed getting to know him better.

Being that I wouldn't think to lie to someone about my own relationship status, little did I know that 'technicalities' will always mess things up and liars use them to their convenience.  He told the truth in that he did not have a girlfriend.  However, he did have a WIFE and since I didn't specifically ask that question, as he put it, he "didn't lie to me, he just didn't tell me the whole truth."  He didn't wear a ring because as an aircraft mechanic, he could easily lose a finger by wearing one.

Yeah, that ended INSTANTLY.

So, instead of asking him about a wife, you may want to ask like Tish siad about the relationship or dating or seeing someone, or however broad you want to put it, because **IF** he is being deceitful to one woman by going behind her back and playing pattycake with you, then believe me sister, it's even easier to lie to you.

One more time on the wedding ring issue:  My father has never and will never wear a wedding ring in the 40+ years my parents have been married.  Happily, I might add, thank goodness :)  I was taught that marriage isn't worn on the hand, but in the heart. 

Best of luck to you,

Thank you.

I was going to use a mutual aquaintance as the excuse to ask him if he's single (because the aquaintance is getting married).  Unfortunatly, said aquaintance didn't want me to say anything about the wedding because the two might break up.

So, the last time I saw him, I went in deciding that I'd rather be his friend rather then ruining our budding friendship.  Then, during our conversation he tells me that he can tell that my actions are actions that I do for people I really like (he knows I like him??), so he asked me out.
I am shocked that he asked me out.  (At least that means he wants to get to know me better.)

I still don't know if he's single.  *Sigh.*  I guess I'll ask when we go out, sometime.