I've been married for 19 years, together for 22. He was 29 and I was 26 when we got together. Recently we were sorting out pictures as our twins had to make a timeline for school. I pulled out a envelope with pictures of my husband and his friend's wife (who were separated at the time) with whom he had an affair with about a year prior to meeting me. I found out about this affair last year and wrote about it on one of these boards. He had journals describing in great detail their relationship and sexcapades. They only saw each other 4x in a 9 month period as they lived in other states. Anyway, I pretty much worked through that. The shocker for me at that time was he would do that to his friend, but he was young (27) and we all do things we regret later. As well, married people don't necessarily share everything about their past. It was before me and it was something he is deeply ashamed of.
Anyway, back to the pictures. They are pictures of a weekend tryst in San Francisco. Mostly pictures of them in various touristy places in SF. There were also 2 pictures of her in her "teddie" looking ready to roll (LOL) on the bed in the hotel room they rented.
I guess my question is .. I "get" saving the pic from the trip, but why would a guy keep the bedroom pictures, especially if the relationship is something he states he wished never happened and makes him sick to his stomach when he thinks of it (he lost a very good friend as a result of this). I don't want to over-analyze this, just trying to understand it.
Well, you say you do not wish to overanalyze, but the only person who knows why he did it is him. If you ask him though, prepare for an answer along the lines of "I don't know" - And it won't be a lie. He definitely was not using his brain during that part of his life. It could also be that he forgot about his souvenirs.
I would venture to say that he more than likely forgot he even had those particular pictures. You just found out about this last year, and so it's still very fresh, relatively speaking, and this is just another little twist in that knife, however, realize and keep telling yourself over and over and over that for him, that was a long time ago, before you and has zero to do with how he's felt about you over the years.
Did he voluntarily get rid of the "teddy" pictures? I'm just wondering. As far as why he kept them in the first place and I'm referring to all the way back to BEFORE he and you got together: For the same reason he took them in the first place-- there's a partially naked chick in them and he was there. '-)
I'm not saying to hat to be hurtful, but basically a man is a man is a man and men are by nature visual. However, do NOT let that poison your mind about comparisons or what have you. Past is past and you are his present, hopefully his future.
I would show him the pictures and ask him why does he still have them around. See how he reacts. If he says I don't know, then you can go ahead and ask him if you can throw them out, and if he doesn't care what you do to them, then that's a good sign. Anything other than that, you might need a talk with him and ask him why is he still holding on to these pictures. But the bottom line is, if you trust him enough and these pictures are from the past, something you mentioned he has told he is disgusted about, which had no interference with your marriage except you happen to stumble upon some old pictures, then ask him why he still has it and sometimes he might know he still has them, so just don't make a big deal out of it, and tell him you would like to get rid of them, and if that's ok with him, then just go head and throw them out, there's no need to try to dig up something that has already been buried, like you said it's in the past, life goes on...let it go, and trust your instinct that if your husband has moved on with you, then honor him that.
"Well, you say you do not wish to overanalyze, but the only person who knows why he did it is him. If you ask him though, prepare for an answer along the lines of "I don't know" - And it won't be a lie. He definitely was not using his brain during that part of his life. It could also be that he forgot about his souvenirs. "
Actually he did not totally forget about the pictures. Said he had looked at them a couple times since we have been married. Said he did not know why he did not throw them away. Don't know what to think of that.
Love 
