Understanding Men

Maybe someone here can help me figure this out .... I think I have the answer, but would value any and all opinions.

I'm friends with an amazing, wonderful man. The first time we met, we just clicked. There is TONS of romantic interest between us both, however, we are long distance and have remained just friends. Recently, he got back together with his ex and told me. It was then, that I realized I had deep feelings for him. I told him how I felt, he told me that he felt the same, but then I admitted I wasn't ready for a relationship .... (I just left a very abusive relationship and needed "me time.")

He agreed, but I could hear sadness in his voice. A few weeks ago, he had jaw surgery and was resting. I thought it would be sweet to write him a letter, everyday, and tell him about the day, funny stories and just odd things ..... kinda the same thing we do anyway, but on the phone. He started getting them, and would text me about how sweet I was, he much he loved reading them and that I made him smile. We were able to talk on the phone, and in the middle of the conversation, he just blurted out .... "It's so good to hear your voice ...." It made me tear up a little. We talked until it hurt, then he said he had plans with his girlfriend that night .... then, my happiness went to sadness.

I admit, it's like a knife that stabs me repeatedly when he mentions her. I guess I don't understand the situation .... he broke it off with her because he never was in love with her, but when I told him I needed time, he went back to her. He mentions her to me, knowing it hurts .... but if I mention I have a lunch with a friend, he immediately wants to know if it's a guy .... an ex .... a love interest. He even went as far as telling me that he doesn't want to EVER hear about any dates I go on, or other men in general.

This weekend, I went to a party with a guy friend .... I will admit now that he drinks too much and likes to "play" with people .... and although, my friend I adore didn't seem to happy I went to this party .... (probably the opportunity to meet someone else ....) he asked what I was going as, he wanted pics .... he continued to call me by his nickname for me and we seemed really good. I could feel his sadness, but I thought we were good.

The next morning, I realized my "drunk friend" had sent a very mean message to my amazing guy friend, stating that he appreciated the fact that he didn't want me and that he could have a chance at "getting a piece ...." Then, I also realized that I made a few calls to my friend .... and probably left a message about how much I adore him.

I made a mistake. I was drunk, and I NEVER do that!

That morning, I texted him that I was sorry that "my friend" was being an ass and jokingly sent that vile message. He sent a text back saying .... "Please give me some space. You are suffocating me...."

WTF? .... I'm giving him space, but really hurting inside. I'm thinking that between his feelings for me, my drunk friend's stupidity, me being drunk and maybe saying something I shouldn't of .... (however, he always says he loves to hear that stuff from me, it makes him smile) and the fact that he doesn't want to hear about any guys really touched a sore spot .....

I already miss him and I'm hoping that he means "give me some space ...." because I truly DO mean the world to him, that he DOES love me and he is so confused by his own emotions.

"I already miss him and I'm hoping that he means "give me some space ...." because I truly DO mean the world to him, that he DOES love me and he is so confused by his own emotions."

Hon, you are deluding yourself...and he isn't doing anything to you, you are doing it to yourself.

You don't mean the world to him, he doesn't love you and he is not confused by his emotions....If he felt any of those things, he wouldn't be with the other girl.

You weren't ready, he found someone else, now you are ready...it's too late, he has a girlfriend..Leave him alone.

He chose her, accept that, work on your self-respect and loving yourself, so that you won't put yourself in this kind of position again.  You are settling for being someone's back up.  Don't you think you are worth more than that?

  Besides he isn't just a good friend, you are having an emotional affair with him...doesn't say alot about his moral character, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.  Do you really think he would be that great of a catch?

My advice is to do what he asks and give him space. It is going to be one of the hardest things to do but trust me, if he truly wants to be with you, then giving him space will make him realize that he might lose you if he doesn't step up. Just sever all contact with him for now. Once again, it will be very hard to do but it will be for the best. Let him be the one to talk to you first. If you keep contacting him, it will seem like you are smothering him. Trust me, I know.

I was in a situation where I was in love with one of my best guy friends and it ended in a complete disaster. I smothered, and he ended up making moves on my best friend. I got so mad that I just had to yell at him. We weren't together and I should never have done it but oh well, you do stupid things when you are young. Anyways, in the end, we stopped speaking for years but we reconnected again but now we are both happily married to other people. I still love him because he was really my first love but I am happy and so is he. And at least we can still be friends.

So just give it time. You smother him, he will run scared. If he wants you, he will come to you. Hope this helps.

Alicia