Understanding Men

I recently met someone...we ended up meeting one weekend and hung out the entire weekend together.  We were in close proximity with one another and there was alot of affection and kissing going on.  By day three of spending time together, we ended up doing the deed (sex).  After that he came over to my house, I made dinner we watched baseball (which I like) and he went home (no sex).  The next night we hung out again.  Had sex agian (of course).  

We technically did not go on a date...and yes, the 90 day rule is out - something I would have liked to attempt - or at least a month. I enjoy his company.  He seems to enjoy mine.  We laugh alot together and share the same interests (so it seems).  But i understand you can't get to know someone after one weekend.  I just don't want to stress about the whole sex too early thing.  I did it, enjoyed it and it's over with.   I just want to take it easy and see how things pan out.  He seems like he want to see me again as he mentioned going to the movies together (an activity outside the bedroom). 

Once I start worrying about the whole sex too early in the equation then it takes my mind off of enjoying the moment...and yes there is potential for me getting hurt, but you've got to try right? I've ended up in relationships with men after sleeping with them too early...I think it depends on the maturity of a guy. 

Any thoughts?

I slept with my husband on the day we met. It didn't cause any problems for us....just made us closer.

In your situation, you've not mentioned anything bad happening post-coitally....so I'm not sure what you're worrying about.

I wonder if people realize that rules are generally thought up as a "lesson" or response to some negative experience.  I think the idea of sex "too" early really depends on the level of expectation a person (usually the woman) allows themself to have after having sex early on in the dating process.

I had sex with my boyfriend on our first date.  I was enjoying the moment, got into it, and as an adult decided this was what I wanted to do, eyes wide open, AND have no expectation that it would turn into a relationship afterwards.  I think that is the key.  We continued having sex, both of us having a great time and yet being we were raised more or less the same way, believing that this kind of behavior isn't the means to a solid foundation for a relationship.  I still don't believe it necessarily leads to solid relationships in general, having sex right away with someone does not a relationship make.

But what happened afterwards is what turned it around into a relationship.  We were honest with each other, accepted each other, we had a good time together outside the bedroom as you seem to be doing with your guy, and, there was no expectation on either end that just because we'd had sex early on, that instantly cemented us to one another into a relationship.  The relationship came through relating over time, as it should.

Truth be told, I did have a talk with him a few weeks after we met and told him that while I did not regret having sex with him right away, if I had the choice to make over again, I would choose not to have had sex with him so soon and get to know him first.  THAT is when we stopped just fooling around and started to actually date.  That was over four years ago and we're happier than ever. 

As long as you hurt no one, including yourself, live your life by your own "rules."  You're the only one looking back at you in the mirror.

Best of luck,

Thank you guys for your replies...it made me think of things in a more positive light, especially coming from other women.  I was at the coffee shop tonight and asked a guy freidn about the situation.  He actually said that he wouldn't respect a girl that he liked if she slept with him early on in the beginning. 

That being said, I came home to read your reply..and I must say that it was very well thought out and made ALOT of sense. 

I have been taken advantage of when I was younger by boys/men that only wanted one thing to do with me.  It has left a mark of fear that if and when I give into the moment and go with it - as being an Adult, I should if I make that decision - I will be taken advantage of again and not really wanted for anything else.

But, I also liked what you said - the expectations part of it.  I have told myself, well, even a good, friends first, getting to know each other couple, could very well end things badly.  I have to step back and know that I made that conscious decision, enjoyed it, and that something may or may not happen.  The more I put emphasis on it, the worse it can become. 

so would you say that you DO regret having sex too early?  if so, why? how do you think it would have affected your "could be" relationship vs your now relationship?  i've heard a married woman say that as well about her now husband and two kids later...i'm wondering why she feels that way..and how much importance does it actually have..it must have some if she said it.  how much better would a realtionship be if sex weren't introduced early on in the realtionship?

i'd love to know oyur thoughts... ;)

thanks again.