Ask the Wedding Expert: Budgets & More

Hi everyone

I have this burning question that needs an answer. I hope this is the correct board to post it on.

My fiance and I have finally decided to marry in end Jan next year. I have never been married before. He, however, has a previous marriage with 3 children, and he is planning to reopen his divorce settlement for renegotiation after he completes his MBA next oct.

I would like to protect myself, mainly from commitments from his previous marriage- as I expect to come into a sum of money in a few years time. in addition, my fiance has a sum of debt from his previous marriage. He also pays A LOT in terms of child support and his ex wife doesn't work (she also has a boyfriend who has kids and is interested in her getting as much money as possible from my fiance).

I am in this dilemma where I don't want to cause offence, I would also like to be protected in the event that we ever do get divorced- he will support our children and pay alimony as he has done for his last marriage. The topic of prenup came up once long ago. he was not happy and said it was unromantic and if we ever do get divorced, I will not get anything from him if we have a prenup.  

I love him dearly and i don't think we will get divorced, however - i read somewhere that if my boyfriend has previous marriage and kids, I really need to draw up a prenup to protect myself.

can someone advice on how i should go about this? what should be included in the prenup and what should be excluded?

thanks so much for your help!

dobs girl

Have you consulted an attorney? Some will give you free advice on something like this, at least providing you with basic information that could help you decide what to do.

In the meantime, I think this link about prenups may help you.

**Contact Me**
 
 
 

Hello and welcome!

I completely agree with Stephanie on this one- you really should consult a lawyer about the specifics of what should and should not be included.  For example, I'm not sure if coming in to money *after* you're married would necessarily mean it was yours only.  Perhaps keeping your finances 100% separate (and pooling money in a separate account for bills only) may help you there but I have no idea.

That being said, IMHO you SHOULD get a pre-nup.  Anytime there are children from a previous marriage in the mix, especially when there is an ex-wife still getting alimony, there should be a prenup.

Yes, some people say it's unromantic and of course you hope to never need it but you're crazy not to get one to protect yourself.

If he's that opposed to it then I'd see that as a red flag as well.  The prenup should be evaluated by a lawyer representing 'both sides' to be fair.  You're not trying to get anything out of him nor should he you.

Good luck!

Melissa

Yes! Protect yourself. Get a great attorney.  If you are both so in love and all is good then you'll never need those papers. Your attorney can work w/ his attorney to negotiate after you come up w/ what you want. Good luck. (dont' forget about protecting retirement funds)