Not Quite Engaged

Hi all! It's been a while but I thought I'd give an update. (reminder… 22 years old. Together with SO for 5.5 years)

My SO and I are getting fed up with working at oppocite end of the state ( we each commute an hour in oppocite directions). My job is aweful and I am going to start looking for a better job that is closer to my SOs work. We have also talked a lot about moving in together. Which is great!!

My concern come with the potenial outcome that could had long term. I know we are getting married eventually and we would do well living together, now and in the future. However I have heard of many statistcs regarding propel that move in together before marriage. Something like 65% of couple that live together before marraige get divorced. Obviously that statistic is scary.

I have never been against living together before marraige, but part of me is beginning to think that I should wait at least til I have a ring.

Thoughts? Advice? How did you decide it was ok to move in??

Thanks!!!

For me, I waited till I got my ring first. I believe that you should have a wedding date in mind before you get engaged and move in, and both be on board for that.

At this point, you are assuming that you are getting married in the future. Actually being engaged and assuming you will be married to him are two different things.

You are considering moving in with him, but you are having second thoughts because you don't have a ring yet. The biggest thing you and your BF need to come to is..are you BOTH ready to get married, and is HE ready to propose. If he can't come to a yes or no answer, then he's not ready and you shouldn't be moving in.

So how to YOU figure all of that out. Very simple. If you both have career's going for you and not just a "job", you pay all your own bills, aren't spending it on stupid stuff, and have gotten all the party and playtime out of your system, then you are well on your way. If he's still partying with his buddies, and still wants his "friend" time, that's a red flag. Those are some of the signs you need to be looking for from him. Honestly, you may need to wait a few more years till both of you stabilize.

Living together without a ring and being together for 6 years will most likely not last. It will give him the opportunity use excuses for not marrying you, while still playing house together.

Save yourself the headache if you are still hard pressed on getting a ring and getting married to your BF, and NOT move in with him until you get an actual proposal.

I agree with ecrivette on this one. I am moving in with my SO in just over a month, and I know there's no way that he would propose before, nor that I would feel comfortable saying yes. There's a huge difference between only seeing each other when you're both up to it/have the time, and having to work around schedules/daily routines, and still making it work.

To both of us, it is really important to have experienced this, especially since we've been long-distance for part of our relationship. I feel quite confident in our relationship, but it would still be nice to have that time living together before moving further.

I think that if it's really important to you to have the ring first, then hold out...but if it's just something that you perceive as being important, and not something that holds true meaning for you, then consider the option of moving in together.

I think that you should ignore that statistic, as the only thing that living together would do is to make you more aware of how you work as a familial unit - could it lead to a break-up? yes - but it's no more likely than if you were to be engaged first.

I hope this helps!