Yes, it's been almost 5 years now, and I'm so tired of waiting for E, my boyfriend to propose to me. E promised me before, broke his promise and I was hurt and he knows this. He promised me again that by May 2010 we would be married. So we'll see! I'm having a real hard time trusting his promise to me, because he has broken it before, and I'm very sensitive to the who promise thing. To me, I believe that if you're going to make a promise, then try to fulfill it. Otherwise, don't make promises at all. I hope that he will propose to me soon, otherwise sadly I have to say it's over. I'm tired of being played for a fool, and tired of waiting on someone, especially someone that tells you they love you and want to spend the rest of their lives with you, but yet they can't make the commitment. I'm just sick and tired of it!!! Can't take it anymore.
By the way, we live together and E just left for work. I hate feeling this way. Some day I can just forget about it, but that's the funny thing, our relationship would be perfect if the marriage issue was never brought up...and I'm always the one bringing it up to him and I know that brings him stress, but sometimes I feel like it's so not far that he gets to have me but not willing to make that commitment. Some days it's just hard not to think about it, not to sit next to him and wonder if this person really loves you like they said they do. I know the economy is bad, and times are hard, but marriage is a product of love, not money. We can just go to cityhall and get married, and I would be just happy with that. He keeps bringing up the excuses of no money, no money to buy me a ring...which I think is BS.
I have told him I don't want an expensive ring, anything to symbolize our commitment is fine, I would settle with a fake ring, Ok i'll try to keep it real, I don't want a fake a ring, but if that's all he can afford, and as long as he means well, then yes of course I would accept that. urrgg...men are so complicated when we try to just be simplistic with them.!!! lol
Anyways I'm laughing but at the same time frustrated with E. He is not home now which I get to go on NQE and complain about him. Sorry. I know he is under alot of pressure, pressure financially and pressure from me recently, but heck, I have been waiting patiently enough and I think now he better step up his game or I'm leaving! so ladies, the deadline for him is May 2010...we had a serious talk last night and he promised to make it happen for me. I'm have a hard time believing him at this moment cos of the broken promise he made to me last time I ended up really hurting from it, so at this point I don't know. He's making all the promises but I don't know if he's just saying it to make me happy.
If it's going to be just 6 months away, I need to start making plans, and he said that's ok with him. But I'm frustrated that he's not doing anything in helping me making those plans. He seems scared almost when I asked him what DAY in May should we get married!! So I feel like he's just talking right now, I don't even think he knows how serious I am right now that if we're not married by May, he may lose me forever..... :( I'm sad to leave him but I know I have to put my foot down. He's disrespecting me by not keeping his promise and I don't like it when people disrespecting me like that.
I'm so sorry, thank you for allowing me to vent my frustrations. Thank you so much.
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